"When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot, hang on and swing." It's now been four months since I've had a full night of uninterrupted sleep, and I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever enjoy the doctor recommended, 8 hours of consecutive rest again. I am running on empty and standing by sheer force of will. My rope is frayed, I'm grasping on by my fingernails, but I sure am swinging away...
It's 13 footsteps from our bed to Liam's crib, 11 stairs down to the bathroom, and from there, 3 breaths to the refrigerator. Last night, as I counted my way through this familiar maze, the silent sight of bright, white snow caught my bleary eye. Drawing close to the window, I was stunned into alertness by how utterly divine the view was. It was peaceful and calming, yet exhilarating, too. I couldn't help but think of Liam as I looked at this perfectly untouched, completely unblemished canvas stretched out before me; it reminded me of his brand-new soul, pristine and pure. It made me wonder if parenthood begins with a blank slate, too?
This morning, a dear friend became a mother and began her own journey into parenthood. In seeing that first picture of her newborn son, I thought back to that September afternoon when my own came into this world. The memories came back as if it were yesterday - the overwhelming joy, the all-consuming happiness, the love unlike anything before imaginable. I remembered bringing Liam home from the hospital, and settling in that evening as a family. With each feeding and every diaper change, it sank in more and more that he was finally here, that he was ours to keep. Oh, he was such an easy baby, everything seemed to just fall into place. There's so much I want to share with this new mommy, but these first tracks on this day are hers alone to make. Instead, I'll buy her a rope and look forward to having a swinging partner.
In the meantime, I've caught a catnap and have recharged my battery. If you're hanging by a thread, here's to a good grip and even better company :)
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